Anneism

So I know many of you have given a lot of thought to the afterlife. With our country resting peacefully in the palm of the religious right, now is the time you may be asking yourself, am I going to hell? Is God going to punish me for eating that entire box of brownies? Do I really have to take personal responsibility for my actions or can I shove the blame onto the devil? And wouldn't it be nice to be able to be patronizingly superior to everyone else? Yes. Yes it would.
So to answer all of these deeply metaphysical questions, may I recommend a site to you? It's the belief-O-matic, and I suspect you'll find out a LOT about yourself - not so much that you won't be able to sleep at night, but just enough as to be digestible by the 5-second attention span that most of us have from being raised by the TV.

• Belief-O-Matic