Always down thinking never or doing full like not when trying the plane flies, do you ignore see it closed following hiding from the annihilation sound, the weak shadow or lose it’s shape everything?
From: Collin
very strange. neither sentence makes much sense and combine they say nothing clearly.
From: Anne
Isn't that weird?
From: Collin
what did you intend with that weird sentence?
From: Anne
I thought we were just pontificating. When I went rollerblading earlier that day, I watched a plane fly past and thought about perception and reality and how I could define the plane and its position in my reality in many ways, such as, I could use the sound to locate it, or I could look down at the shadow the plane threw against the ground, or I could also look up and see the plane against the backdrop of sky. Each of these are clues as to the reality of the plane and all of them existed in that moment, but each revealed something different about my experience of the plane. And then I thought about negative words, and negative thoughts, and how my use of them affects my perception of reality and so I wove negative words into the other words and then struck them out. I guess what I am constantly trying to change is my own attitude in my life that feeds my perception and my experiences. I know that I am the conduit of my reality yet I constantly take a passive stance in controlling the valve.
From: Collin
wow. the thing about the presence of the obscured words is that it took effort not to try and read and incorporate them into the sentence. they definitely had emotional impact, though. makes me think that to much time with those thoughts will taint even the most confident mind. come to think of it this might be an interesting study of content and affect...
From: Anne
exactly. I don't want to be 50 years old and look back on my life with the perspective of a fifty year old and say to myself, my life wasn't that bad. I just continually tainted it with my negativity. I guess what I'm realizing is that I want to enjoy my life. I want to be happy. I want to be fulfilled. After coming back from India, I realized that all of these pressures I put on myself are so ARTIFICIAL! Why? Why do I put up with these unrealistic expectations - some measurement of happiness and success that is on a time line I am constantly revising anyway? And I get stuck because I'm in this same rut picking at the open wound of my ego because it feels better to think I'm a failure and feeling sorry for myself then thinking that I actually control my situation and my life to a certain extent, because that's a fucking scary thought.
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